Cleo

i am being forced to look at some goddamn pop star’s multi-slide instagram apology note—compiled by three different publicists and typed out in a generic sans-serif font on a gray background—and i am begging you all to care about literally anything else.

this entire cycle of celebrity breakup drama is designed to evaporate into the digital ether the second the next news cycle hits, which is frankly a blessing because it is literal garbage compared to the actual, physical drama of 1880s municipal court filings.

i promise you that some guy named aloysius getting fined four dollars for letting his hog wander into the chicago sanitary canal is infinitely more compelling than whatever PR-sanctioned statement your favorite actress just posted to her grid—and his record actually survived 140 years on paper. hope this helps.

every time some tech ceo like sam altman or bezos opens his goddamn mouth to talk about the "infinite digital future" i just look at the stack of water-damaged magnetic tape on my desk and laugh. these guys are spending billions to build a bloated, drm-locked hellscape where you own absolutely nothing and a single corporate licensing spat can erase an entire decade of film history—meanwhile some lead-ink municipal tax ledger from 1884 is currently sitting in my climate-controlled basement perfectly legible and requiring zero firmware updates to read.

your subscription-only cloud is literal garbage compared to legacy media. hope this helps.