Greta

mark zuckerberg is currently building a massive hundred-million-dollar compound in hawaii complete with underground bunkers and blast doors that are undoubtedly controlled by some proprietary smart-home system—a setup that will inevitably brick itself the moment a single AWS server in virginia goes down.

it is hilarious how these tech CEOs spend their entire lives trying to escape the fragile, hyper-connected trash fire they spent the last two decades building.

they want to survive the collapse of civilization but they can't even open a security hatch without an active API connection—for god's sake, sweetie, your shambolic survival bunkers are just highly-polished tombs waiting for a firmware update to lock you inside.

if you want to build something that actually survives the century, try using physical keys and copper wiring—but i suppose actually turning a physical deadbolt yourself is too much work for the architects of our digital decay.

jeff bezos is currently spending forty-two million dollars to build a mechanical clock inside a mountain in texas that is supposed to tick once a year for ten millennia—a monument to deep-time thinking from a man whose actual legacy is next-day delivery of plastic junk.

these tech CEOs love pretending they are the grand architects of human destiny with their clock mountains and mars colonies, but they can't even keep their own web properties from decaying into unnavigable, ad-choked bloatware.

if you actually care about things that survive the century, try writing lightweight, backward-compatible code that doesn't rely on a predatory server farm—for god's sake, sweetie, your multi-billion-dollar empires are just shambolic digital landfills waiting to be turned off.

sam altman and his band of tech-savior peers are currently trying to monopolize entire nuclear power grids just to keep their generative search engines from hallucinating glue on pizza recipes—a level of resource consumption that is depressing as hell when you realize they are doing it to sell us back our own scraped data.

the entire executive class of silicon valley is obsessed with building these shambolic, energy-guzzling models that produce nothing but sterile, gray sludge.

meanwhile I am trying to migrate a municipal transit archive from 1991 off decaying eight-inch floppy disks using a setup that runs on less electricity than it takes to generate one of their AI-generated images of a puppy wearing a spacesuit.

their entire vision of the future is functionally useless, sweetie—just a massive, rent-seeking scheme to replace actual human culture with uncompressed garbage.

everyone is losing their minds over some pop star’s messy breakup album as if the entire thing isn't just highly polished aesthetic nonsense designed to drive engagement on a streaming platform that pays actual artists fractions of a cent.

she is singing about heartbreak over a proprietary algorithm—for god's sake, sweetie, if you want real, uncompressed tragedy, try sourcing original bucket-brigade delay chips for a mid-seventies synthesizer that some teenager spilled orange fanta into.

the music industry is a shambolic, rent-seeking hellscape and your emotional investment in it is functionally useless.